I’m back working on a book regarding our family’s move to Alaska in 2010.  Alaska is a wild and wonderful state, filled with amazing sites and unbelievable characters.  Here is an excerpt from a chapter titled “Yup, Colder Than Hell”.  Enjoy the preview.

“Pitch Black- Those Long Winter Nights

 

“The human organism inherits so delicate an adjustment to climate that, in spite of man's boasted ability to live anywhere, the strain of the frozen North eliminates the more nervous and active types of mind.” -Ellsworth Huntington

           

Alaska is infamous for its long, frigid winter nights.  Depending on the latitude, winter nights can cloak the landscape in darkness almost around the clock.  In the far northern settlements daylight might reveal itself as a brief period of twilight for a couple of hours.  Further south one can count on three to five hours with some lighting.  During the late fall and early winter one feels fortunate to catch a glimpse of the part of the sun for a few moments during the day.

Those who haven’t endured the short days at higher latitudes probably haven’t heard about “SAD”, which stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder.  This is a modern rebranding of the more-familiar “Arctic Hysteria,” a medical condition where otherwise normal people can lose touch with reality. “Arctic Hysteria” sufferers might suddenly put on slippers and their pajamas and take a long walk in -40 degree weather, turning themselves into frozen munchies in the process.  The lack of sunlight can affect the brain and may constitute a factor in the high suicide rates in the far north.  Lack of motivation, listlessness, hibernation-like sleeping, irritability, increased appetite, social withdrawal, and communing with one’s inner devils all seem to be symptoms of this disorder which afflicts many of the inhabitants of Seward’s Icebox.

When we first moved to the 49th State we asked, “So, how do you endure the dark of the long winters?”  We were very surprised to find the most common answer involved a trip to the 50th State, Hawaii.  Maybe the soothing Hawaiian Islands are not lumped with the “lower forty-eight” because of the special place they hold in the hearts of Alaskans.   Surviving the subarctic and arctic by taking a generous dose of a tropical paradise seems to be the vogue for those who can afford the time off and money.  It is a return to our biological roots.   For those who can’t get away there are other tried and sometimes true remedies.

The second most common survival tip involved buying a “SAD” lamp to brighten flagging humors. It was a clever marketing program to make “Arctic Hysteria” into something more sympathetic sounding, “SAD.”  Madison Avenue, in Fairbanks, must have come up with this little number.   One almost has to feel something for someone who is afflicted with  “SAD.”  Wouldn’t a person just want to hug and comfort the victim of such a condition?  If the victim blurted out they had “Arctic Hysteria” a prudent person might be hiding the steak knives and making sure 911 was on speed dial for the moment when the afflicted finally starts arguing with the toaster.  So… SAD=sympathy and AH=fear.    It doesn’t matter that they are precisely the same medical condition; it’s more a matter of how the words shape perceptions.

Most of us might have trouble announcing that we were suffering from “Arctic Hysteria” at a public place like the local bar.  Could you picture it?  The grizzled, old sourdough steps up to the bar and announces, “Oh man, I feel so bad!  I always get a touch of the old Arctic Hysteria at this time in the winter.  Give me a vodka!”  That’s where the bartender reaches under the bar for that sawed-off shotgun.  He draws back the two hammers slowly hoping the noise of the jukebox will drown out the clicking of the gun being readied to fire.  He’s on alert and ready to do what is necessary for keeping a crazed lunatic in check.  In the same scenario, where the sourdough instead says he’s feeling a touch of “SAD,” the barkeep pours him a double to help him get over it and uses some of his tried-and-true bartender banter meant to comfort the afflicted.   “Hang in there, old-timer, the days are getting longer again and you’re too tough to let this get you down.”  Packaging is everything.  Reward and punishment depend on how you describe your condition.

A variation on the “SAD” lamp is the tanning bed.  Hard-core, life-long denizens of the frozen north have ripped a page out of the L.A. lifestyle and applied it to dealing with an ailment of the arctic.  Under those layers of cold-weather clothing do they wear Speedos for when they hit the tanning booths?  Inquiring minds want to know, but I’ll pass on this one.   Hopefully the tanners take their heavy boots and hat off before entering the tanning bed to avoid really bizarre tan lines.  A to-die-for tan on an Alaskan could be a clue that someone has some “SAD” issues.  It’s abundantly clear that tanned Alaskans probably didn’t brave the hordes of mosquitoes and biting gnats in the summer sun to lie outside on a beach blanket.

The number three most-common answer involved consumption of substantial quantities of distilled or malt beverages. This has the advantage of being readily available throughout the state and making the long winter nights seem so much shorter. .    Neat… on the rocks…in mixers… frozen… domestic… imported… light… or dark; all seem to have the same level of perceived success.  The numbing effects of alcohol probably bias the results somewhat.  The key to it all seems to be the substantial quantities involved.    Some say the soaring alcoholism rate in the state has its roots as a deterrent to “SAD.”  It’s one heck of a story to discuss over drinks in the local bar.

February 27, 2015

Slovenly Josephs- A Recipe for Fun

 

This year the second edition of The Donner Party Cookbook: A Guide to Survival on the Hastings Cutoff will be published by Grandma’s Cabin.  In producing a second edition of my 2004 book we decided to spice up some of the recipes a bit.  Fans of edition one asked for some pretty gruesome recipes, such as Rosemary Baby, Frank and Beans, Patty Melt, and … well you get the idea.  Accordingly I searched 19th Century cookbooks for additional sources and was able to actually find Lady Fingers.  Frank and Beans was easy as anyone can cut up sausage and mix it in with a hearty bean stock.  Below is a recipe for a made-up 19th Centuryish (is that a word?) version of a modern favorite, Sloppy Joes.  Of course, use of grammar in the 19th Century was very rich and evocative.  Accordingly, Ladies and Gentle it is my pleasure to offer you a taste of the second edition and introduce Slovenly Josephs. 

“This dish is included as a special request to a fan of the first edition, though that request was for something referred to as “Sloppy Joes.”  The dish makes good use of leftovers, a theme at the core of the Donner Party story, to make a hearty meal.  Two version are included here.   Both use the elk roast and basic bread recipes in this book.  One uses the delicious walnut catsup recipe.  If you don’t have elk, the recipe works well with chopped beef roast or even ground beef.  If you don’t have the walnut catsup, any catsup from the mercantile will do in a pinch.  The beauty of using the walnut catsup lies in its ability to stain all the porous materials it encounters, adding truth to the slovenly sobriquet.

 

Version 1:

 

Ingredients

 

1-2 pounds cooked elk roast meat

¼ teaspoon of rosemary spears

½ clove garlic

½ teaspoon peppercorns

1 onion

olive oil

6 ounces of pureed tomatoes

pepper sauce- to taste

water- as necessary

 

Chop onion fine and sauté in olive oil until caramelized.

Chop the elk meat very fine and add to caramelized onion.

Stir in pureed tomatoes.   Crush garlic and peppercorns and add to mixture.  Add rosemary spears and pepper sauce while the mixture simmers over a low flame.  Simmer for twenty minutes, stirring mixture so it does not scorch.  If the mixture begins to thicken too much stir in water as needed.

 

Serve hot by pouring mixture over thick slabs of the basic bread.  The more adventurous might wish to top the dish with shredded cheese.”

There is an alternate version of this fabulous dish offered by Penny Vivey Walters.  To get that one you will want to purchase the book.

TDB

 

On September 25, 1888 the Central News Agency received a chilling and historic letter.  Purporting to be from the White Chapel murderer, this letter first introduced the public to Jack the Ripper, perhaps the most famous serial killer in history.  There were a host of letters claiming to be from the killer and even this original Jack the Ripper letter may be a hoax.  The Ripper’s famous letter listing Hell as the return address contained what may have been a piece of liver removed from one of the victims.  No one really knows if any of the scores of letters received was from the real article.  However, the letters played well into the sensationalism necessary to sell newspapers.  I recommend Jack the Ripper Letters from Hell by Stewart P. Evans and Keith Skinner as a source for those more interested in the topic.  The Ripper letters play a role in ‘Dem Bon’z and readers of that book will see snippets of the supposed writings of Jack the Ripper incorporated into the writings of our Jack the Snipper.  How appropriate for our villain.

Here is the complete text of the first Jack the Ripper letter.

“Dear Boss.

            I keep on hearing the police have caught me but they wont fix me just yet. I have laughed when they look so clever and talk about being on the right track.  That joke about Leather Apron gave me real fits.  I am down on whores and I shant quit ripping them till I do get buckled. Grand work the last job was.  I gave the lady no time to squeal. How can they catch me now. I love my work and want to start again.  You will soon hear of me with my funny little games.  I saved some of the proper red stuff in a ginger beer bottle over the last job to write with but it went thick like glue and I cant use it.  Red ink is fit enough I hope ha.ha. The next job I do I shall clip the lady s ears off and send to the police officers just for jolly wouldn’t you.  Keep this letter back till I do a bit more work . then give it out straight.  My knife’s so nice and sharp I want to get to work right away if I get a chance.  Good luck.

            yours truly

                        Jack the Ripper

Don’t mind me giving the trade name”

The evil that stalked White Chapel now had a pen name but the writer was not done with this letter and added a postscript and wrote at right angles to the rest of the letter the following,

“wasn’t good enough to post this before I got all the red ink off my hands curse it.  No luck yet.  They say I’m a doctor now

ha ha”

 

TDB

Yes, Zap is the name of a real town.  In ‘Dem Bon’z  we weave actual North Dakota places and history into the fabric of the story.  One of the more interesting places is the town of Zap, North Dakota.  Zap is a wonderful town with a sordid reputation.  In 1969 the infamous “Zip to Zap” occurred in this otherwise quiet small community.  This was the brainchild of a North Dakota State University student and seems to have been an attempt at a Woodstock-like event, without the music.    As the story goes, roughly 3,000 inveterate party-goers traveled from points all over the map to Zap in early May of that year.  For those unfamiliar with North Dakota weather, it’s still pretty cold in May and the sub-freezing temperatures were typical.  Not your typical “festival” of the period.  The town had two purveyors of liquid refreshment, who did a booming business and would have done so even if they hadn’t gouged the prices of alcohol.  As the Zippers or Zappers, as the case may be, emptied the storerooms of the bars things began to take a nasty turn.  When the mayor demanded the students leave, a riot broke out creating significant damage to the local businesses.  The Governor ordered the North Dakota Army National Guard to restore order.  Roughly five hundred guardsmen with bayonets fixed cleared the streets.  According to local legend this was North Dakota’s only recorded riot, but I’ve been to some of those hockey games at the University of North Dakota.  We might need to rethink that legend.

TDB

Welcome to my blog.  Frankly blogging sounds like some horridly demeaning sex act that might show up in cheesy pulp pornography.  So bare, I mean bear with me as I hold my nose and press on with this.  Stoney Livingston and I just published our first co-authored novel, ‘Dem Bon’z.  Now the challenge it to get the word our about the book.  Through word of mouth we are managing a few sales and the reviews have been excellent so far.  With no advertising budget and distribution agreement we rely a lot upon word of mouth from readers like you.  So, if you love it, please post a review and, if you hate it, do the same.  I’m told there is no such thing as bad advertising, though a bad review sure wouldn’t feel like that.  It’s my feeling that readers might like to connect more with the characters from our books than myself or my co-authors, though I have to say Stoney is an amazing character, worthy of a book himself.  So, dear reader, check in here periodically to catch up with your favorite characters and track as we start working through the second part of the story.   Let us travel time together.

Terry Del Bene